Q: What is red, but smells like blue paint?

A: Red Paint!

Two peanuts were walking down the street.....one was a salted.

I was at a men's public restroom at a college and saw a sign posted above the toilet paper holder. It said---"University diplomas, please take one and spread it around!"

Little Johnny asks his mother her age.

She replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.

Again his mother replies, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."

The boy then asks, "Why did Daddy leave you?"

To this, the mother says, "You shouldn't ask that," and sends him to his room.

On the way, Johnny trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.

Johnny runs back into the room. "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and Daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!"

Grandma & Grandpa are sitting on the porch, when all of a sudden Grandma slaps Grandpa.

"That's for 50 years of the worst sex I've ever had."

They're both silent for ten minutes. Then Grandpa slaps Grandma.

"That's for knowin' the difference."

Yo mama is so fat, she wore leather pants to a party and when she bent over to pick up a penny, people sat on her booty thinking it was a couch.